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I know what a lot of you are thinking: “How could he cheat on Olivia?” That’s because you’ve never made love to an entire …
When he was younger, his father recorded over his instructional dance tapes with a TV presentation of “Dirty Harry.” His mean streak …
The Bleeding Knees Club went on to have a band meeting. They decided that knives stuck in the back are definitely not cool, and that the police …
It’s not really an effective mutant ability for her, especially when compared to good old-fashioned Misplaced Anger and a gun.
An exploding fart assassination staged by the CIA backfires when John McClane is held prisoner on his own lawn by Andrew W.K.
Don’t ask him how much he loves death metal. There will be no survivors.
He didn’t have time to debate them on whether a top-down, bird’s-eye view of his lawn would still indicate that they were …
Soooo, the Nakatomi Corporation went bankrupt, the members of Asian Dawn were inexplicably released from prison, and his ex-wife’s respect for …
Right now, as this 5-second film unspools on home computers across America, 36 dormant agents just uncontrollably dismantled their cats.
He was on his way to a barbecue in the park when his friends saw it happen from across the field. He tried laughing it off and changing the subject, …
A man is taken aback when his brahs confess to him that Weird Owl will be in a 5sf in order to help their money laundry scheme make it rain.
They have a water park in heaven that doubles as a rainmaker for Earth, which is a fantastic tax incentive. So, that’s not even actually his …
That money, incidentally, is going towards a suit made entirely out of dollar bills, which he will then splatter with blood at a violent club …
Some brahs are there to support you. Some brahs lie just to make you think you’re better than you are. And some brahs just break down when you …
You know how the story goes. Boy meets girl. Boy packs up and moves to a new apartment. Boy loses girl amidst the hustle and bustle. Boy frequents …
Oscar Week 2012! The Oscars are threatened when an atheist attacks the Best Animal Performance nominees because they were too good playing War …
Oscar Week comes to a close once more, with this four-hanky epic about that terrible, bloody invention of man that tears countries apart, pits man …
Andy Serkis was nominated the next year, three times over, for playing all of the leads in the gritty reboot of Homeward Bound. However, he still …
Step 1: Decide to win an Oscar for Best Screenplay (Original or Adapted). Step 2: Thumb through National Tragedies Weekly for inspiration. Step 4: …
