5 Second Films


We waste so much water by flushing inside. Why not flush outside and help grow your trees and plants while fertilizing them at the same time? Warning: This is guaranteed to attract tigers.

| Found by Jest on March 22, 2013
Suggestion Box

The top suggestion last month was "Take Worley's Suggestions Seriously, Much to His Detriment," right after "Get a New Toaster Oven For the Break Room." If Worley bothered to attend last month� …

| Found by Jest on March 20, 2013
A Harsh Strain

Model homegrown weed, on the other hand, offers a smooth sterile buzz, but you won't grow up to be traumatized and make great art because of it.

| Found by Jest on March 20, 2013
Dance Lessons With: New Politics

‚ÄčRousselet should have seen this one coming. His salsa instructor was a bottle of Pace Picante.

Download the latest New Politics single "Harlem" on iTunes //smarturl.it/npharlem

Check out more f …

| Found by Jest on March 19, 2013
The Popular Girl's Graduation Speech

Becky Sanders went on to prove them all wrong. She not only raised her baby, she got a job at a Fortune 500 company, worked her ass off for recognition and respect, and got promoted to a six-figure-a- …

| Found by Jest on March 18, 2013
On Closer Inspection

Her super baby wound up shooting laser beams out of its hands, decapitating the doctors cleanly and painlessly. When she told her baby that was overcompensating, he turned to her and said, "The world& …

| Found by Jest on March 18, 2013
My Best Fiend

Their rivalry was born out of a severe self-hatred and a particularly masochistic therapist.

| Found by Jest on March 18, 2013

Well, it's better than the Mel Gibson version, don't you agree? No seriously, you have to agree now. Starring Peter Stormare!

| Found by Jest on March 18, 2013
Worst Date Ever

If you have to ask, don't. If you don't have to ask, go away.

| Found by Jest on March 18, 2013
The One

Can't poke holes in an IUD. Unless you're a crafty one.

| Found by Jest on March 18, 2013
5secondfilms Week in Review #229

A booty-dexterous bass player takes steroids until he becomes a she, for only women are eligible in the blanket fort building competition at the world's largest rodeo in Austin, TX.

| Found by Jest on March 16, 2013
Death at a Rodeo

Scrimp Bramble, the town asshole, was scared to die but even more scared to be called a fake cowboy, and boy did the crowd love every shriek of terror as the hooves pounded his lying face into dust. S …

| Found by Jest on March 15, 2013
Late Night Rendevous

Yes. Yes, boys. He came. He came into her fort. Her fort. That's what he did. He came into her fort. And they played fort games. And then he left. And you know what? He felt glad he could just ha …

| Found by Jest on March 14, 2013
What Happened To You?

In high school, while still a boy, he was voted Most Likely To Identify As A Woman Yet Totally Still Be Into Boobs, so the fact that this happened should not be surprising her friend at all. However, …

| Found by Jest on March 13, 2013

Raised by a fearsome father named Fo-to in the "Sha-hp" Clan, the young beast learned to stalk his unsuspecting prey by setting "keyframes" in his mind to create a "path" of sorts, leading directly to …

| Found by Jest on March 12, 2013
How to Do a Somersault

Bustin' out a sweet 'sault is easy when you follow three simple steps. Not these steps, or this location, or in the presence of a cat in a harness, but I'm pretty sure there are three s …

| Found by Jest on March 12, 2013
Sex Kitten

He seemed so innocent when she got him at the pound. Little did she know he was raised by whores. Nice whores, mind you, just whores who wound up not being able to have a cat stay with them at the who …

| Found by Jest on March 12, 2013

Their love was hot, contagious, and took place in a zone of sorts, not unlike the Ebola Zaire-themed novel "The Hot Zone."

| Found by Jest on March 12, 2013
Cool Kids

They're cool about fire safety. They recycle, reduce, reuse, and close the loop. But when it comes to having fun and being safe, elbow pads continue to elude the gang.

| Found by Jest on March 12, 2013
Flex To Impress

Flexing is a rite of passage amongst young, hyper-jacked buffbros. But what happens when the babe flexes back? Few buffbros are able to deal or answer the question. Whether they can handle it or not i …

| Found by Jest on March 12, 2013
Butt Play

A command performance at Carnegie Hall took place one week later. Four people died.

| Found by Jest on March 11, 2013
5sf's Comments of the Week - 3/4 - 3/8

Follow twitter.com/5sf for up-to-date info on our SxSW pub crawl! If you're in Austin, join us for the boozy fun as we stumble from watering hole to watering hole, getting progressively rowdier a …

| Found by Jest on March 11, 2013
5secondfilms Week in Review #228

The pope was arrested for a DUI, but the boogey in his nose was discovered to looked like Jesus so he sold it as a work of art, only to squander his money on beer.

| Found by Jest on March 09, 2013
Home Brew

The beers don't wear condoms and God knows what goes on in those mini-fridges. It's truly inadvisable to sleep with them, or even rub them on your genitals. Consult five doctors before and a …

| Found by Jest on March 08, 2013
Art Lover

Throughout time, billionaires the world over have killed starving artists in the name of keeping things unnecessarily expensive. Today however, things have changed, and paintings from dead artists sti …

| Found by Jest on March 07, 2013

‚ÄčThe other boogies never quite recovered from that harrowing incident, watching their fellow boogies fall to their horrifying death. Years later, still struggling with the memories of that loss, tho …

| Found by Jest on March 06, 2013

In the interests of fairness, he selects cars with men in them too – but he's not as lenient with dudes who wind up blowing over a .15. Then they wind up blowing something else. This is all …

| Found by Jest on March 05, 2013
All Pope Is Lost

Actually, you'd be surprised how few letters to God get opened or passed onward by the Pope. It's mostly a whole office floor of interns reading them, doing a logline for each letter, and se …

| Found by Jest on March 04, 2013
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