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Former Colombian drug mule seeks opportunities. I have my passport and an exceptionally roomy anus. Alejandro, 718-555-4435 I retouch baby photos. As in, ugly baby photos. As in, "Oh my God, is that a fl ipper?" baby photos. Call Betsy, 440-555-4354 Skin flautist seeks opportunities. I also play the pink oboe, meat whistle, etc. Pls. call Terence, 917-555-8832 Barry - Return my edge trimmer by Tuesday or I'll take out your eye with a melon scoop. - Chaz Defrocked bishop seeks WM, 10-16. Please be smooth, clean shaven, not litigious. Seamus, 505-555-8732 FIGHT THE BUSH AGENDA - The Soldiers of Resistance meet every Monday night to smoke pot and bitch about the government. Time to take action!! 215-555-4168
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I PAY CASH for your old dental dams! No questions asked! Alvin@nyc.rr.com Stuck on a bad date? For a modest fee, I'll show up and fake a Grand Mal seizure while you make a break for it. 917-555-2829 Bored millionaire seeks individual w/ metal plate in skull to let me toss refrigerator magnets at your head for my own amusement. Unique opportunity! 917-555-2022 SWM 29, looking for someone to scrub my dirty bottom with a potato brush until it's pink and itchy. Serious calls only. Bruce C, 209-555-6987 Pest problems? Nearsighted sadist will lure ants and other insects outside and burn them w/ my monocle. Free estimate. Mr. Kurtz, 212-555-4581 Dr. Mitzler's Discount LASIK Surgery. Laser eye correction done by experienced professional. We're legally required to inform you that Dr. Mitzler has Parkinson's disease, but just try and beat these prices!! 718-555-9822
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FOR SALE - Naked GI Joe action figures. I don't know where their clothes went, but I do know my son's not growing up gay if I have anything to say about it. Rick, 838-555-1459 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaning Service! We PAY YOU to let us clean your apartment. Please, PLEASE let us straighten up. Your lack of organization is maddening! 216-555-9825 Cashier needed for Harlem convenience store, late night shift. Must be responsible, bulletproof. 212-555-9837 Medical Photographer seeks COLON MODEL for new textbook. Pays well, great exposure. Sample shots a must. 212-555-3637 LOCKSMITH NEEDED to get me into my ex-girlfriend's apt. Must be discreet and NOT ask questions. 440-555-7233 Submissive SWM, 29, seeks submissive F, 21-40, for hours of awkward inactivity. Ted, 315-555-4328
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