The 20 Biggest Dick Moves In Disney History



By Dan Hopper and Alex Schmidt on August 7, 2012

An official countdown of the 20 biggest a-hole moves in the illustrious 75-year history of Disney animated films, in dickish-GIF form!

20

Beauty And The Beast: Gaston Stabs The Beast

Gaston's progression from "Vain Blowhard" to "Relentless Murdering Psychopath" gets overshadowed by Beauty & The Beast's lovely music and visuals, but no single act better encapsulates Disney dickishness than a villain being given a second chance by the good guy then stabbing him in the back for no damn reason. As glad as we are to witness Gaston plunge to his death after this hypercowardly act, his passing did single-handedly cripple France's egg industry.

19

Peter Pan: Pan Keeps Forcing Hook To Yell "I'm A Codfish"

Congrats Peter Pan! You've defeated Hook and you've freed Never Never Land, but despite Hook's misgivings, is it really necessary to sadistically torture him at swordpoint in front of all the children? Watching this clip, you can practically hear the Neverland sports columnists whining about Pan's garishness, "ACT LIKE YA BEEN THERE BEFORE, PAN!"

18

Aladdin: Abu Grabs A Treasure

Abu, we realize you're a monkey and your capacity for understanding is as limited as your compassion for breadless urchins, but when a giant magical tiger sand-head boomingly instructs you to TOUCH NOTHING BUT THE LAMP, you might want to, I don't know, touch nothing but the frickin' lamp? Abu causes the cave to collapse and almost kills himself and Aladdin to end the movie before the genie even appears, but at least he won't make this mistake again the next time a giant magical tiger sand-head gives him literally one instruction.

17

Toy Story 2: Al Steals Woody

Toy Story 2 marks the first time in cinematic history (outside of possibly the movie "Ordinary People") that an inciting incident involves a portly, obsessive toy collector brazenly ignoring a mom's instructions and shadily stealing a child's toy at a garage sale. The Wayne-Knight-voiced character's act is so cowardly, even Knight's 'Dennis Nedry' from Jurassic Park watched this part and was disgusted (then programmed a 90s screensaver to voice his disappointment.)

16

Mulan: Shan-Yu Randomly Kills A Messenger

Shan-Yu's illustrious villain-resume includes "Burning an entire village so savagely it interrupts the end of a song," but his military ruthlessness still doesn't justify his dickiest move: Catching two imperial scouts, telling them to warn the Emperor of his impending arrival, then just having his archers shoot one of the messengers while his back is turned. Disney at least had the decency to cut away before Shan-Yu pees in the mouth of the dead messenger's corpse and instructs his soldiers to make a woodcarving out of the image and mail it to the messenger's family (but it's on the DVD Extras).

15

Up: Charles Muntz Goes Insane

The estranged explorer Charles Muntz does have the pseudo-justifiable villain-motivation of having had his reputation wrongfully discredited, but that doesn't entirely explain why he's so particularly hell-bent on separating the innocent bird 'Kevin' from her chicks while viewing a squarish old man and a hapless cub scout as expendable obstacles. The fact that he served as a hero to Carl makes his sinister turn especially crushing, although, in his defense, if I spent my entire life on an island with enough time to train an army of militant humanoid dogs but couldn't find a bird that a chubby kid accidentally stumbled upon in three seconds, I'd be a little vindictive too.

14

Sleeping Beauty: Maleficent Curses Aurora To Death

Read this sentence from the Wikipedia plot summary of Sleeping Beauty and ask yourself where this ranks on the Overreact-o-Meter: "After not being invited to the baby's christening, Maleficent curses the infant Princess Aurora to 'prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die' before the sun sets on her sixteenth birthday." I mean, we've all been left off invites to friends' events, but Jesus, Maleficent, it's nothing that a passive-aggressive 'liking' of the event's Facebook photos can't fix.

13

A Bug's Life: Hopper Demands Twice As Much Food From The Ants

While I do share a personal kinship with my grasshopper namesake, even I have to concede that Hopper goes above and beyond in the 'dickish' category by not only routinely enslaving an innocent colony of ants and demanding food from them, but also then doubling his demands when a mishap delays the ants' annual payment. Although, if you read between the lines, the whole 'Slaves / Minions" dynamic in this film is actually an intricate metaphor for real-life complete assholes.

12

Fantasia: Mickey Ruins Everything

As sorcerer's apprentice, Mickey's character is tasked with the un-mess-uppable job of CARRYING SOME BUCKETS OF WATER, but decides to instead steal the sorcerer's hat and enchant a bunch of brooms to do his menial bidding, resulting in an iconically grand, symphonic complete-failure. Though it's reassuring to know that even all-powerful sorcerers get stuck with garbage roommates from time to time.

11

Alice In Wonderland: The Queen Of Hearts Keeps Beheading Cards

Every monarch is entitled to his or her abuses of power every now and then, including hallucinogenic rabbithole queens, but in her 15 approximate minutes of screentime, the Queen Of Hearts orders the beheading of a half-dozen of her own playing-card-soldiers for trumped-up charges like "painting roses red" and "failing to help Her Majesty cheat at croquet." That's a rate of 'own citizen killing' that's downright Stalinesque, and also THIS IS A DISNEY MOVIE. Figured I'd take the liberty of reiterating that every couple entries.

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