People Hurting Themselves In Celebration Of The Health Care Verdict

By Alex Schmidt on June 28, 2012

If you're getting really, really, stupidly American with your celebration of today's health care verdict from the Supreme Court…well, you're lucky the government's trying to provide you with health care.

And let's not consider how much lighter fluid is too much lighter fluid, because the Burn Unit works for free now, right?

I would love to know exactly how many people get brought to the emergency room inside of a trash can each year.

Some of the dunks will be tricks, and some of the dunks will be tricky to explain to a doctor.

Who needs actual bridges? Or the ability to balance? Or proximity to a hospital?

I did not find a skateboarder who has one of those horrible compound fractures going on, because I'm not sure whether the health care law covers our psychological well-being.

The newly confirmed health care law probably does not provide for enough "LOW BRIDGE" signs, but this still isn't excusable.

Whoa, guys: the Supreme Court did not vote in favor of making robbery legal. Get down from there safely and take the cat suits off.

"You know, give it a few months, make sure they don't change their minds. Gives us time to get that old cruddy car of ours working again anyway."

"GOOOOD THIIIIIING IIIIIIII HAAAAAAVE HEEEEEEAAAAALTH CAAAAAARE"