The musical portion of this year's South By Southwest Festival starts tomorrow, and thousands of irritating weirdos with wristbands will be there. Here are a slew of actual past SXSW attendees you want to avoid at all costs:
People To Avoid 101. Every garment and hair choice these two are making is what you need to steer clear of.
Spend the fest with them and you will be viewed as one of them (that applies to everybody on this list).
"Hahahahahahaha" [night falls] "I'm freezing and I hate my own need for attention."
I know! I did get this chest tattoo!
Never seen someone wear the phrase "just kidding" as an entire outfit.
The World's Grossest Lead Singer
Everybody in the front row is drenched with sweat. And a little bit of it might be their own.
Calling Out Own Detestable Hipster Status
-AWARE AND NOT CARING MAKES YOUR HIPSTER QUALITIES EVEN MORE ANNOYING
" [the text of my response t-shirt]
Second Lifer, circa 2007
Because even if you're an avid Second Lifer who gets out of the house for things like SXSW
, it just means you're living in Second Life on other people's routers.
Not Just a Triple Mohawk
Yeah yeah, bad haircut. The really crazy thing? Somebody photographed the guy's bad haircut, and he and his friend resented being photographed, so they beat the photographer senseless and got convicted of violent felonies
. So, um, maybe don't spend SXSW
with those people.